; zai yi ci yong you

Too tired to function. I can barely peel my eyes open and drag myself off the bed this morning. I haven't attended class both today and yesterday.. ): This is bad. Bad bad.

Y'know, why should I let the absence of merely ONE PERSON affect the highs and lows of my life so much? I'm so better than that. My cousin didn't suggest the name of Jovina for nothing. Hehehe okay now that sounds supremely cocky.

Meeting my girls later at J8 for some reason or other, then IceCube tonight. Time for a little sinful indulgences.. YUMMY. I'm so gonna puppy-eye Sis into treating me cos I only have a very miserable $15 ): I swear my smoking habit is burning a huge hole in my near-empty pockets. And Michie and I have sworn to take the train today. There and back, yes! See, a trip to the north will probably be $20. And back will be ANOTHER $20. Which makes 40. And we only get $15 a day so that's.. all the allowance PLUS SOMEMORE. Why am I always rich somehow on the weekends, but on weekdays, it's a different story altogether?

. Yes. Seriously. This is SO WEIRD. How come!!! Oh and that reminds me. Collect money for Ezlink aka Get money for fags. HEHEHEHE.

I'm such a nasty conniving little liar sometimes. I should just burn in hell.

The Xian has announced his need for sometime to settle some.. matters. Apparently, I'm not trustworthy enough for him to share with me what they are, but well. Like I said, it's up to you.

Ah! Before I forget, something VERY pleasingly suprising has happened. Most unexpected, but very welcomed. It's a bright spot in my otherwise hideous existence. Hey wait. What hideous existence. -_- I'm sorry, the dark kid has been used to phrasing her words like that.

I'M HAPPY AND CONTENTED WITH LIFE. If I chant this about 55 times I might actually believe in it.

; lost, broken, confused

If I play my cards right, perhaps everything will turn out bright.

The irony of cautious steps, bold gestures.

Walking on broken glass, playing with fire.

It might save me, but it might also ruin me.


Yes yes, and I love you sis. (:

And Michie.

And everybody esle.

; i believe

Why are you guys pushing me?

I am NOT over him. Okay?

Wish someone's here to listen to my whinings, my uncertainties and doubts. But Michie's having school, and besides, I don't wanna worry her. She has enough problems on her own. But I do need someone non-judgemental and trustworthy to confide in.

One thing I really have to stress on, I hate having to account to anyone for my actions. I do know what I'm doing.

And something esle that sucks is that I can't release it here. Sensitive issues, and if it falls into the wrong eyes, shit might just happen again.

; bittter disappointment

FUCK THE WORLD. FUCK THE WORLD. FUCK THE WORLD.

DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME FOR THE WHOLE DAY. I SWEAR.

FUCK THE WORLD FUCK ITALIANS FUCK THE WORLD.

; an unexpected conversation

l. says:
so my advice to you is, think thoroughly if it's what you want. if it is, your instincts will tell you what you can do right.

jov says:
it is what i want, but the external factors are getting to me.
friends to choose from but he's what i want.
but he's being superbly nasty.
):
PAINFUL.

l. says:
ha.
nasty? it's just a sign that he's unsure.
either he's unsure, or he just plain doesn't like you.
or, he's so hurt that he doesn't care anymore.
hate is a strong word.
you don't hate somenoe, yuo hate life.
but it is impossible to dislike someone you once loved.
slowly find your way back into his heart. it isn't black, it isn't closed. you just need the right touch and patience.
love comes with devotion and patience.
don't expect him to jump right back into loving you again right after the chain of events that led up to the situation now.

jov:
i just want his friendship.
is it too much to ask?
i just hope he'll stop bitching about me to his friends.

l. says:
friendship is too much to ask for when you betrayed it once.
it shouldn't affect you when it isn't true.
so unless it's true, you shouldn't even care.

jov:
the one wrong i did was to stand him up on a date.
his reaction is so extreme.
and he only told me he was jealous at the end of the day.
what's the point.

l. says:
i didn't tell you this.
but *, is one of the most sensitive guys i know.
so stand him up on a date is equivilant to a stab in the back and front.
i'll take leave. you should really think abuot what you did, and see what you can do to make things right.

; world cup fever

OH COME ON YOU FRENCH!

LET ZIDANE RETIRE IN GLORY!

GO GO GO MY HERO!

; my humps

Well, the sad news is that my comp is down. No more Msn-ing, blogging, and o2jamming for at least a period of time at least. But the good news is, maybe I'll finally settle down with my books minus all these distractions.

Josh's friend Leo gave a really interesting comment. "You blog so much. You're like a ChannelNewsAsia Reporter. So cute." LOL. Amusing, really (:

You know what? If I could have one wish it'll be simple. And no I'm not like the CHILDISH MR SPUNKAY who goes "I'll wish for more wishes!" I'll just want to turn back time to that day. 23rd May. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life when I played you out. I didn't realise it affected you so much. I'm sorry, and I want you to know that I would give up my world just to watch Poseidon with you this time. I was just too engrossed in pool with Mich, the bastard and his best friend.My bad and if only I could make it up to you. To be friends.. is it still possible?

I might move on, I might even fall in love and find happiness with someone new, but you'll always be first place in my heart. (: